London NewZealand vs Welwyn Players Match Report

London NewZealand 15  Welwyn 17.

As the Welwyn team met at Handside lane at high noon for a 3 o'clock kick off it could mean only one thing, all the joy and excitement that comes with a coach trip to the metropolis of old London town. Kindly many of the squad were generous enough to turn up late to swell the funds in the newly instigated fine sock which will be put to a good cause at the Xmas dinner. Eventually the bus arrived being driven by a man who seemed to have an entire tin of Tate and Lyle's finest syrup drooled over his bonce. So the team saddled up and boarded the bus with the usual competition for the all important back seat being won by age, experience and general bulk, which turned out to be a formula for the day. On the bus the conversation was high brow, booze, birds and balls (rugby of course) and the reading matter was intellectual with three copies of The Sun doing the rounds with the inevitable disappointment of no page 3 on a Saturday.

The trip was mainly uneventful aside from Chunky's IQ and spelling being called into question and Jonno teaching us all the finer point of text flirting " u looked hot last nite" is all the ladies want to hear these days. The trip went the way of all Welwyn away trips confusion, no sense of direction or any idea where the ground was, and that was just the bus driver who you may think would undertake a small amount of research into his route before departure. After the obligatory 3 point turn on a busy London road we reached our destination.

A short walk led us into Acton sports ground and eventually found the changing rooms after realizing the old crumbling building was our base for the day. The team all changed in a room smaller than a telephone box remarkably without causing any injuries to each other and stepped out to begin preparations for the game. Unfortunately the bus trip had seemed to take a lot out of the team and a lack luster warm up from the players did nothing to prepare us for the onslaught we were about to encounter.

This unfortunately will now be the point at which this report may begin to differ from that which other people may remember. This is due to the author being a front row forward and their opinions on the game may differ from those of you who when they pack their kitbags take toiletry bag full of shampoo, conditioner, hair gel and/or wax and the all important moisturizer. For any of who remain unclear I am referring to the world of peroxide highlights that is the backs. So I will begin the match report from the aspect of the cauliflowered ear'd, ankle boot wearing barrel chested world of the front row.

The game began about as badly as it could have done, before Welwyn had begun to play we were three tries down to a hard running, hard hitting and physical team of Kiwis. Mistakes in Welwyns back line were ruthlessly punished by the opposition and Welwyn were in shellshock and 15-0 down. It was at this point the afore mentioned age, experience and bulk decided it was time to move to plan B which had 3 main aspects

1. Take ball
2. Insert up jumper
3. Very rarely allow the ball past number 9

The hard slog began and slowly began to work grinding the Kiwis down. The graft upfront and fitness of the team prevailed and Welwyn took charge of the game. Ironically the first Welwyn try came from a crisp backs move covering 75m and ending with a try in the corner which went unconverted leading to a 15-5 halftime score.

Halftime was used to rehydrate and reinstigate the above mentioned plan. Refreshed the team hit the pitch running and continued to dominate. Unfortunately mistakes continued to litter Welwyns attacking play with dropped balls and knock ons bringing to a halt many a promising attack. Eventually the pressure told and Welwyn's try scoring sensation that is Mark "Bomber" Harris bundled over to continue his reign as (probably) the leading scorer from the second row in the league.

Welwyn continued to apply the pressure knowing a converted try would give them the lead and eventually following another forwards barrage the try came. Grant "Biffa" Keeler picked from the base of a ruck at least 5 yards from the line, with the embarrassment of being held over the line the week before fresh in his mind he barged over and with outstretched arms touched down. Cue euphoria throughout the team and the sideline until the realisation that the kick was required to take the lead. 2 minutes later the ball sailed over and Welwyn had the lead which they would not relinquish holding out the remainder of the game to remain undefeated in the league.

Of course there were other events worthy of note; I am sure everyone at the game will remember the overhead kick and if you were not there then please ask someone who was as I do not feel I have the required vocabulary to fully describe how bad and indeed funny it was. It is always nice to see the real life mumbling honey monster on the pitch and even our illustrious coach made an appearance in the final minutes.

In summary I believe this game will be always described as character building and getting the job done. I prefer to look at the fact that the team stuck together, adapted and won a game that many of us know we may well have lost in the past.

Man of the Match: Grant "Biffa" Keeler